So drunk its hurt
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
