The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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