and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
