this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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