I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
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