How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I'm really busy with my period
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