So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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