When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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