My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
