Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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