you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
