remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
