Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
