I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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