Banned from zoo.
Again?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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