Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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