Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
