STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
