I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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