I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
