Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Randomize
