Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
