Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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