yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
