I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
