Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
