I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
