Swine flu. Run for my life!
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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