no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
