and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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