dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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