They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
