those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
