You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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