I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
