I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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