I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
