So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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