I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
