Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
