you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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