i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
