getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
