You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
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