Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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