I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
