I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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