There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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