we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
