i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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