I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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