he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
