My hand turned me down
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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